Q & A: Approaching Gay Children with Biblical Truth

Mom and Son

Question and answer from the Bible Answer Man broadcast.


Kelly in Kansas City, KS on BOTT radio: Hi, Hank. You articulate all  your answers so easily for all us non-theologians to understand.

My struggle is with my son, whom I raised in the Southern Baptist church and he’s been baptized and saved and around the age of seventeen he told me that he was a homosexual. I continue to struggle with that because I’m just not astute enough, I don’t think, or strong enough to talk to him biblically about that other than I told him about Sodom and Gomorrah. He was raised in the same church that I was. He’s got to know the truth. I’d welcome any advice you can give in regards to the situation.

Hank: Well, Kelly, we love our children. We love our children unconditionally and the reality is that there are children that have a said faith – in other words, they say they believe – and there are children who really believe. In either case, we love them, and we demonstrate through our life and through our love the reality of our faith in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

But in a practical way there are many things that you can say to him. When someone comes to you, whether a child or a friend or an acquaintance or someone you just cross paths with, and they say “I am a homosexual,” I think it’s important that you recognize the reality that they have stated something that is not true. Someone is not a homosexual in the sense of an identity, and that’s typically that’s what they mean when they say “I’m a homosexual.” They say “This is my identity,” and homosexuality is not an identity. Homosexuality is a behavior. His identity is a male just as your identity is a female. So he’s talking about a behavior and sometimes with gentleness and respect, to demonstrate that he’s talking about a behavior is something that opens someone’s eyes.     And now the question becomes, if you’re a genuine follower of Jesus Christ then you will heed His words. Jesus ratified the entirety of the Law of the prophets and therefore He has set parameters around our lives because He loves us and He wants our joy to be fulfilled and complete in every way. He’s not a cosmic killjoy for your son or for anybody else. What He is is one who set parameters around our lives because if we violate those parameters there’s going to be damage that’s done to us physically and metaphysically. Sin has its consequences. So if I’m involved in sin it has its consequences just as when he’s involved in sin it has its consequences.

So the question now becomes are we going to set our sights, our standards for the course of our life by shooting stars or by the North Star? If we set the course for our lives by shooting stars, then we follow popular opinion and whatever is politically correct at a given period of time. If you look at Obama, for example. He has completely reversed his stand on same-sex sexuality in many ways, including his views on marriage in this regard. Well, he’s setting his course by shooting stars. He’s looking at whatever is politically correct, he’s looking at trends, and now truth is determined by those trends.

If you’re a Christian, however, what you say is “Look, I am going to set my standard by the Word of God because God knows what’s best for me and therefore the owner’s manual becomes meaningful to me and I’m going to set the course of my life based on Scripture. So I’m going to fail, I’m going to sin,” and in his propensity, his homosexuality, he may sin in that way, but that simply means that he’s going to repent of that sin, and even if he falls again he’s going to repent again of that sin, recognizing that God is just and faithful and righteous and will forgive him of his sin and cleanse him from all unrighteousness.

So whether you’re a homosexual sinner or a heterosexual sinner, the real issue is not whether you sin – we all sin – the real issue is do we want to do it God’s way, which is repentance, a change of the heart, a change of mind. It’s a change of the will. It’s moving in a different direction, saying let’s do it God’s way. So if he’s involved in homosexual behavior and repents of that, even if he falls again, God will forgive him. But if he says “I don’t really care what God says. I’m going to do it my own way,” then it’s a demonstration that he hasn’t really repented to begin with.

Kelly: Right and I understand that. It’s just that there’s all these churches now that are cropping up that are twisting God’s Word and using every phrase, including the Sodom and Gomorrah example, and trying to disprove the origin of what happened there was and convincing people that it is okay and making it more of an identity rather than a behavior publicly to promote the homosexual agenda.

Hank: It’s not only that, but they want to be politically correct. This is why James says “Let not many of you be teachers because with teaching there is a stricter judgment.” Ideas have consequences and people that go with political correctness are not helping anyone.

If it all became politically correct by saying that cancer is not harmful to the human body and the whole of the medical profession went in the direction of saying “Don’t worry about cancer, it’s not going to hurt you,” it doesn’t mean cancer is not going to hurt you. The reality is that it will hurt you. And the same thing is true not only with the physical body, but it’s true with the metaphysical aspects of our humanity. You can’t contradict your own biology and get away with it. There is a consequence to that, and to save someone from that consequence means that you tell them the truth. To not tell them the truth is to be homophobic. This is precisely what pastors in the pulpit are doing today. Why? Because they don’t want to risk being controversial. They’re not protecting the sheep. They’re letting the wolves into the sheep pen. Why? Because they care about their careers more than they care about the canon of Scripture or about truth.

So while I can’t judge anybody’s heart, I can say in general terms that’s typically what’s happening. So we’re capitulating to the culture as opposed to being change agents in the culture. And I can tell you this: the very same arguments that are today being used with regard to same-sex sexuality can oftentimes be applied to group sex, to bestiality to incest to all kinds of other things that are not helpful to the human condition. We can see this over and over again in myriad ways. If you look at all the statistical categories with respect to sociology when it comes to same-sex sexuality you find that uniformly they point in one direction – that a father/mother coupling is better than a father/father, mother/mother coupling for the good of the child, for the good of the family, for the good of society. All the indicators point in that direction. So when people point in a different direction it’s because it’s politically correct, not because it is best for the family or best for the child. So the indicators point in a different direction. They point in the direction of God’s infallible Word, not in the direction of what has become politically correct and popular.

And again, as Christians, instead of being microcosms of the culture we need to be cultural initiators, not cultural imitators, and that, unfortunately has become what the church has become at large. It’s imitating the culture. So we’re baptized secular humanists. We’re baptized, but we’re still doing it the world’s ways.

Kelly: I like that. I appreciate your time. It’s always a pleasure to hear you articulate so well. Thank you again.

Hank: God bless you, Kelly.